I have been here a while now and I think the mistake I am making is that I do not have something here to call my own. It is not that I am not satisfied with my fiancee and work. It has more to do with a nagging feeling of still not belonging to something that is personal and mine. In the States, I could go to the park or the movie or visit relatives. Here, I do not have those same options because I have not learned the language. My world seems very restricted because of this. I go to work. I go to have coffee. I might even go to a mall. But the fact remains I cannot venture very far without knowing Polish. As much as I want to learn the language, I have not had the time. It has now reached the point where I must make the time. Misery is beginning to set in and that will cause difficulty in every area of my life.
Another reason for not knowing Polish is fear. To me, this language sounds impossible for my ear to recognize. I guess I am looking at it in too large of a way. I have to break it down to parts I can handle. There are very few words I can understand and I feel overwhelmed at the prospect of learning the language. Nonetheless, I must. I am writing all this that I may find the courage to do so. Maybe the fear will show itself for what it is ... a spook. A boogeyman. And more accurately, a hindrance to a happier and more fulfilling life here.